Synopsis

RACHEL DAWES from the NEW BATMAN is the daughter of the OLD BATMAN. Who is the PRESIDENT. PRESIDENT BATMAN. I’m sure some OTHER STUFF happened, but my MIND was sufficiently BLOWN not to notice.

PRESIDENT FUCKING BATMAN.

Also PRESIDENT BEETLEJUICE, which is probably even more epic.

By the Numbers

  • High-paced White House corridor briefings while walking toward the camera: 23
  • Characters with imperfect make-up: 0
  • Number of years over 18 both Katie Holmes and Amerie are: 8
  • Number of years over 18 that Marc Blucas is: 12
  • Gratuitous bikini scenes: 203
  • Schmoval offices: 1
  • Inexplicable Trivia Geek-offs: 1
  • Hello Kitties: 2
  • Terrorists hijacking Air Force One: Inconceivably, zero
  • Times my brain supplied “Mr President” in Rastamouse’s voice: FUCKING ALL OF THEM >:(
  • Number of slaps every single goddamn character needs: over 9000
  • Amount of a shit I give: under 9000. More than nine thousand points fewer than 9000
  • Vinegar vintage: 2009
  • Minutes from the end that they throw in the acronym “POTUS”, just to fucking spite me: 2

Overall : √ 2 / 5

Because fuck rational numbers, that’s why.