Categories
Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

The Neverending Story

Synopsis

A WIMPY KID bunks off SCHOOL to read JIM HENSON’s “JED: THE GENERIC FANTASY QUEST NOVEL”. FRAME STORIES, FOURTH WALLS and PUPPETS are summarily abused.

By the Numbers

  • Bullies, in pieces of flair per person: 3
  • Paedophiles: 1
  • Racing Snails raced: 1
  • Horses terrified: 1
  • Atreyu, in litres of conditioner: 97
  • Scenes inspired by Predator: 1
  • Beings: 106
  • Nothingnesses: 1
  • Flammies: 1
  • Walls: <4
  • Falcor air-miles: over 9000 (that was easy)
  • Potential 80s fantasy novel covers, in video frames: also over 9000
  • Potential 80s metal album covers, in video frames: you guessed it
  • Percentage of a damn Bastian’s dad and teachers care that he just disappeared for, like, 24 hours: 0
  • 5TH MIX: FUCK YEAH
  • Endings: Surprisingly, one

Overall: 2 / 5

(by the Cynical Old Bastard count)

(4 / 5 by the Reminiscence count)

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