Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

Wild Target


BILL NIGHY is the WORLD’s GAYEST HITMAN. He is employed to kill EMILY BLUNT, but for some reason doesn’t jump at the opportunity, and thus ends up BABYSITTING HER and RON WEASLEY while trying to avoid going SLOWLY INSANE.

Needless to say, HE FAILS.

By the Numbers

  • Bill Nighy kill count: 6
  • Bill Nighy’s mum kill count: Somehow, 2
  • Roger the Parrot: 1
  • Audio sex scenes: 1
  • Shafts polished: 1
  • Pink cats: 1
  • Casual thefts: 25
  • Lines addressed to the camera: 47
  • Weasleys: 1
  • Weasleycest: Disappointingly, zero
  • Minis urinated on by Emily Blunt: HOW IS THIS NON-ZERO

Overall: 4 / 5

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