Green Lantern


RYAN REYNOLDS is happily living his life as TOM CRUISE until one day a CONVENIENT PLOT POINT occurs and transforms him into a LUDICROUSLY-COSTUMED SUPERHERO.  On the PLANET OUCH, he is recruited by NAPPA FROM DRAGONBALL Z to become a SPACE COP, then saves THE UNIVERSE from a VOLCANIC ASH CLOUD that he is weak against because it is YELLOW.


By the Numbers

Overall: 3 / 5

Eric and I could not decide what the point was of the scenes where the Lanterns all shoot light into the sky together using their rings.  We came to the conclusion that it was because Ultimate Cosmic Power is boring if you can’t occasionally use it to EJACULATE IN THE FACE OF GOD.

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