Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

Guardians of the Galaxy


A BUNCH OF LOSERS reluctantly team up to SAVE THE GALAXY from a SMURF with a MALLET.

You can just tell that ALL WILL GO WELL because the most sensible one among them is a HEAVILY ARMED, SARCASTIC WOODLAND CREATURE.

By the Numbers

  • Ronan the Accuser: 1
  • Ronan Keating: 0
  • Drax the Destroyer: 1
  • Richard Drax, MP: 0
  • Green Zoe Saldana: present
  • Shiny purple Macguffins: 1
  • Humble farmboys with secret ultimate cosmic power: Maybe?
  • A-holes: 5
  • Dicks: <100%
  • Space starfish: over 9000
  • Times the scene is won by 70s disco music: 3
  • Times the galaxy is nearly doomed by 70s disco music: 1
  • I am: Groot.

Overall: 4 / 5

Leave a Reply