Synopsis

DRACO is evil, which we knew already. SNAPE is evil, which we knew already. Mostly, there is ANGST and teenage RELATIONSHIP DRAMA. DUMBLEDORE is GANDALF. SPIKE AERIS TIDUS DUMBLEDORE dies. That’s it. Nothing really happens in this movie.

Question remains: If the greatest wizard evar can’t defend himself against the instakill spell, why hasn’t someone killed Harry with it yet?

By the Numbers

  • Massive Plot Revelations: 0
  • Awkward Teenage Crushes: 3
  • Boss-type Enemies Fought: 0
  • “Saw That Coming a Mile Off” moments: 27
  • LION HATS: 1
  • Gandalfs: 1
  • Mines of Moria: 1
  • Gollums: over 9000
  • Explanations of the term “Half-Blood Prince”: 0
  • Scenes of underage drinking: 2
  • Scenes in which Dumbledore is Totally Gay for Harry: 3
  • Scenes in which Luna appears: TOO FEW

Overall: 3 / 5