« Film Review by the Numbers
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
RON PERLMAN plays RON PERLMAN. RON PERLMAN fights ELVES. RON PERLMAN wins. RON PERLMAN fights CTHULHU. RON PERLMAN wins.
RON PERLMAN also suffers no penalties to his COMBAT ROLLS while holding a NEWBORN BABY in his OFF HAND. Ergo, HELLBOY is PRINCE CHARMING.
By the Numbers
- Scenes of Hellboy brushing his teeth: 2
- Squishy humans inexplicably not running from pants-wetting doom: 50
- Squishy human agents inexplicably taken on field missions against pants-wetting doom: 3
- Fishsticks: 1
- Infinite Ammo cheats: 37
- Kung fu fairies: 1
- Elemental, mana cost:
- Deep One / Elf romances: 1
- Boding Staircases Leading to the Final Boss: 1
- Colour-coded Magic Doom Robots: 490
- Inexplicable Battles on Giant Gears: 1
- Nit-pickings with the mythology: many
- Impact: 72pt
Overall : 3 / 5
Somehow… better than expected.
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