The TEXT “A Disney Original Picture” appears on SCREEN. The TEXT “Starring Zac Efron” appears on SCREEN. Then the WORLD dissolves around you, your EYES glaze over, THOUGHT becomes MEANINGLESS, and the GREAT OLD ONES arise from SUNKEN R’YLEH to consume the SOULS of MANKIND. All there is, is DARKNESS and PAIN. You become NOTHING, for NOTHING is all that ever was.

By the Numbers

  • Stereotypical High School Characters: 24
  • Stereotypical High School Scenarios: 312
  • Number of these Scenarios that would Actually Take Place with Normal School Pupils: 0
  • Year it apparently is: 1993
  • My desire for a Bollywood version of this: 95%
  • Vanessa Hudgens cuteness: 99%
  • Zac Efron cowardice: 99%
  • Hours of my life wasted: 1.5
  • Units of alcohol consumed: 4
  • SAN points lost: over 9000

Overall: 0 / 5