or, The Famous Five survive Nuclear Armageddon

Synopsis

HANNA comes to ENGLAND, where the countryside has a permanent INSTAGRAM FILTER and we all listen to STEELEYE SPAN all the time.

Suddenly, NUKES and FUCKING and SURVIVALISM and SHOOTING PEOPLE and COLLECTIVE GARDENING and PILES OF CHILDRENS’ BODIES and nope nope nope nope.

By the Numbers

• TAIL: 1
• Slices of dead animal wanted: 0
• Cow whisperers: 1
• Cheese: ALL THE CHEESE
• Incest level: 0.4 on the Dorset scale
• LAZER KITTENS WILL KILL YOU: LAZER KITTENS WILL KILL YOU
• Stoic Britishness: over 9000
• Children with a working knowledge of radioactivity: 0
• Bunny-flails: 2
• Water purification tablets, per montage: 7
• Corpse baubles: 1
• Harrowing factor: over 9,000,000

Overall: 5 / 5