Film Reviews (by the Numbers)



In the DEEP SOUTH of AMERICA, about a hundred miles out of BUMFUCK, ALABAMA, a BUNCH OF PEOPLE sit and eat PANCAKES and argue. Suddenly, a wild ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE appears! Luckily, PAUL BETTANY is here to SAVE THE DAY with a FUCKTON OF GUNS!

By the Numbers

  • Holy bondage collars: 2
  • HDR filters abused: 5
  • Guns per Bettany: 24
  • Rocket launchers he should have brought instead: 100
  • Texas factor: 276
  • Motorised mace vs M16 battles: 1
  • EVIL DEMON GRANNIES defeated: 1
  • Ice cream salesmen murdered: 1
  • Zombie kill count: over 9000
  • Rounds expended: over 900,000
  • Petrol pump flamethrowers: 1
  • Extent to which that is even possible: 0
  • Unexpected B-movies watched: 1

Overall: 2 / 5

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