Synopsis

CHESTY JAKE, a ZOMBIE, fights TERRORISM! CHESTY JAKE wins.

Note: actual film may be approximately a thousand times more gripping than this synopsis.

By the Numbers

  • Quantum Leap factor: 132
  • TWEWY factor: 96
  • Assassin’s Creed factor: 147
  • Tension factor: over 9000
  • Times main character is killed: 9?
  • Times main character is freaking out in a tiny geodesic dome: 9
  • Times main character is really killed: 0.87?
  • Times Bing is, illogically, searched: 1
  • People who are, illogically, glad to see Chicago: 1
  • Virtual girlfriends: 1
  • Wavefunctions collapsed: 0
  • Things that are real: Some, maybe? To be honest, I… I’m not even sure I am anymore.
  • Lines of source code: 0

Overall: 5 / 5

Copenhagen interpretation fo’ life, yo.