« Film Review by the Numbers
Another guest review by Danfox Davies!
A VACUOUS FAN GIRL conveniently finds herself marooned on a DESERT ISLAND with a VACUOUS BOY BAND LEAD SINGER. Unwanted CROWD SURFING. GOSSIP.
Robinson Crusoe it ain’t.
By the Numbers
- Temperature in Indonesia: 95
- Robin Williams wannabe, in false melodrama: 22.2
- In auto-failed efforts to be cool: 8.7
- Comprendez: 6
- Ungrateful brats: 2
- Arbiters of taste: 0
- Arbiters of Chester: somehow, 1
- Baywatch × cheesy romantic comedy - all remaining intellect = this.
- Arbitrary manufactured plot points: over 9000
- Miles from civilisation: 3
- Vacuous Bimbos surviving hurricanes: too many
- That’s: What she said.
- Caves dwelt in: 1
- Cumulative IQ of characters: 1
- Subtitles, in alignment to speech: -20
- Lies subverted: 100 percent
- Lies subsequently reverted: 100 percent
- Things this somehow makes OK: 100 percent
- Error: 404, plot not found.
Overall: -3000 / 5
And the moral of this story is… Vacuous bratty bimbo fans always get to live out their fantasies with no negative consequences?
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