Synopsis

“Life was given to us a billion years ago. What have we done since then?”

Apparently, stand around in traffic and make dumplings.

MEANWHILE! A SHADY BLOKE talks SCARLET JOHANSSON into delivering WEIRD BLUE DRUGS to SCARY KOREAN GANGSTERS. Later, as an UNWILLING DRUGS MULE, she accidentally becomes FULL OF BLUE FIREWORKS and gains SUPERPOWERS to FIGHT CRIME. While RAPIDLY GOING INSANE!

By the Numbers

  • Korean Robert Downey Juniors: 1
  • Morgan Freeman, in percentage of Neil DeGrasse Tyson: 35
  • Morgan Freeman, in percentage of the brain used: 10
  • Morgan Freeman, in percentage of pseudoscientific “percentage of the brain used” bullshit sprouted: OVER NINE THOUSAND
  • Random cuts to random wildlife documentary scenes: 98
  • Percentage of brain capacity apparently required to develop sonar and seizure our way up walls: 20
  • Men casually murdered in order that Scarlet Johansson might have breakfast: 5
  • Mothers casually telephoned while in surgery: 1
  • Percentage of brain capacity apparently required to Vulcan mind meld: apparently still 20…
  • Percentage of brain capacity apparently required to see pens on desks halfway across the world: 30… and rising
  • hacked.gif: 1
  • “You! Cloud of swirling dust where a human used to be! Please return to your seat.”: 1
  • Shoop da Whoop!: 1
  • H. R. Giger gribbly bio-computer interfaces: 1
  • Innocent statues randomly fired upon: 1
  • Rocket launchers inexplicably brought to kidnap one person from a university: 1
  • Percent of the human brain unlocking skill tree that basically amount to combat twinking: 50
  • Climatic scenes Neal Stephenson would be proud of: 1
  • Native Americans confused the hell out of by a white woman sitting in an office chair: 5
  • Percentage of budget inexplicably spent on CGI dinosaurs: 9
  • Universes downloaded onto flash drives: I guess… one.

Overall: 4 / 5