Synopsis

Someone let ABBA make a MOVIE.  OH CHRIST.

(Enter CHRIST, stage left.)

By the Numbers

• Utterly ridiculous scene changes: 207
• Utterly annoying songs: 12
• Utterly bizarre outfits: 37
• Films saved by Julie Walters: 1
• HIPPY PIERCE BROSNAN: 1
• Distressingly Speedo’d Greeks: 13
• Units of alcohol consumed by characters in this movie: 176
• Units of alcohol consumed by the script writers of this movie: 918
• Units of alcohol consumed by me while watching this movie: significant
• Average strangers-to-couple time: 24 seconds
• ABBA Factor: Over 9000
• Bollywood Factor: Over 9000000
• Over-acting Factor: Over 9000000000
• Scientific, DNA-based paternity tests: 0

Overall: 3 / 5

Nurse! Donkey testicles, quickly!