Synopsis

MARTIANS, having evolved over MILLIONS OF YEARS into a SENTIENT and HIGHLY ADVANCED SPECIES, have apparently no idea how to raise their CHILDREN without stealing HUMAN MOTHERS, vapourising them and implanting their MEMORIES into DISCIPLINE DROIDS.

Naturally, it takes a PLUCKY YOUNG SETH GREEN, NERDY DAN FOGLER and a HIPPY ALIEN to SAVE THE DAY and defeat the EVIL FEMINISTS and teach the MARTIANS to be a VIABLE SPECIES again.

By the Numbers

• Arse-first martian monkey-births: 3
• Individuals committed to the annihilation of broccoli: 1
• Individuals sadly not vapourised by Movie Physics Rocket Engine: 1
• …not crushed by high-velocity impact with scrap yard: 1
• …not incinerated by alien lasers: 2
• …not elecrocuted by alien electricity: 2
• …not crushed by high-velocity impact with scrap yard AGAIN: 2
• Lightning-charged Space Butt-plugs: 1
• Times Dan Fogler is illogically deployed to defeat Space Communism: 1
• Times Dan Fogler needs a slap: OVER 9000
• Times Dan Fogler hits on OH GOD SHE’S NOT EVEN YOUR SPECIES STOP IT
• Mission Impossible ripoffs: 3
• Martians who learned laser gun skills learned at Stormtrooper School: 23
• Minutes exposed to -150 C Martian atmosphere with no ill effects whatsoever: 17
• Minutes exposed to -150 C oxygen-free Martian atmosphere with NO HELMET and STILL no lasting damage: 3
• Eyes explosively decompressing: sadly, 0
• Suspiciously large numbers of tranquilisers in rocket ship control office: 30
• Butt blasters: 2
• Vomiting robots: 1
• Security officers anally assaulted by naked cattle prod-wielding babies: WHAT THE FUCK I DON’T EVEN
• Uncanny valley proximity:
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Overall: 1 / 5