A MILITARY SONAR TEST unexpectedly unleashes the CHEESIEST FILM IN HISTORY.
By the Numbers
- Inexplicably hot submarine pilots: 1
- Episodes of Octonauts that are basically the same plot as this: 2
- Whale meat closeups, in kilotons: 27
- WHAT’S GOING ON: 1
- Bottles of J2O drunk out of paper bags: 2
- Shark jump height, in metres: 5000
- David Caruso: 0.7
- Flashbacks: 7
- Flashes to exactly the same time and place: 304
- Primary-coloured “Chemistry” potions: 26
- I DON’T KNOW, YOU’RE THE EX-NAVY PALAEONTOLOGIST GURU: 1
- Competency of Destroyer Captain: 0
- Ships that are actually Destroyers: 0
- Submarine video links: 1
- Screw it, all of this. I’m going to stop commenting on the tech before I explode. This film was clearly not written by anyone who has ever been on a ship, a submarine, or possibly even seen the sea.
- WHAT HAVE WE DONE: 1
- Fucking FOR SCIENCE (RADIOACTIVE PHEROMONE SCIENCE): 1
- Sex Henderson: 1 (NOT EVEN FUCKING KIDDING)
- GIANT SEAFOOD, LLC: O_O
Overall: 0±5 / 5
You know what I haven’t done in a while? A military sonar test. IT’S GO TIME.