Synopsis

In an ILL-CONCEIVED EXAMPLE of ODDLY VIOLENT JEEVES AND WOOSTER FANFICTION, an INEPT TOFF, a TERRORIST and MI5 race to track down a STOLEN PAINTING containing a SECRET CODE to NAZI BANK ACCOUNTS. Yet somehow NOT A NIC CAGE IN SIGHT! It does however feature a bunch of EXTREMELY FAMOUS PEOPLE who for some reason chose to star in an EXTREMELY BAD FILM.

By the Numbers

• Evil henchmen punched on fire: 3
• Churchill dogs: 1.5
• People deeply in the Queen’s hole: 1
• Cheeses used as bioweapons: 1
• Vaginas on the face: 1
• Water bailiffs: 0
• Balls: 0
• Chekhov’s Sympathetic Gag Reflex: Apparently so
• Minutes of tiresome drivel: 107
• Scenes in the film saved by Paul Bettany: All of them

Overall: 1 / 5

“Are you quite finished buggering around?”
“No.”