CATHERINE ZETA-JONES, a QUIVERING BLOB OF OBSESSION AND COOKING, unexpectedly acquires a SMALL CHILD. Suddenly, a wild AARON ECKHART appears! ZETA-JONES uses OCD! It’s not very effective. ZETA-JONES uses SLOWLY, PREDICTABLY FALL IN LOVE WITH HER POLAR OPPOSITE VERY-ATTRACTIVE-GUY OVER THE COURSE OF THE MOVIE.
Yeah, guess what.
By the Numbers
- Meals cooked: 78
- Fish purchased: 23
- Opera songs played: 5
- Characters randomly killed off: 1
- Characters set on fire: 1
- Bolognese eaten, in m³/s: 0.204
- “sigh MEN.”: 1
- People who love Monopoly: Somehow, 1
- My desire to jack in the whole software thing and train as a chef, increase, in percentage points: 3
Overall: π / 5
The π may be steak and ale.
Control experiment: Spending an hour and a half watching UKTV Food would probably have rated a solid 4.
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