Synopsis

CATHERINE ZETA-JONES, a QUIVERING BLOB OF OBSESSION AND COOKING, unexpectedly acquires a SMALL CHILD.  Suddenly, a wild AARON ECKHART appears!  ZETA-JONES uses OCD!  It’s not very effective.  ZETA-JONES uses SLOWLY, PREDICTABLY FALL IN LOVE WITH HER POLAR OPPOSITE VERY-ATTRACTIVE-GUY OVER THE COURSE OF THE MOVIE.

Yeah, guess what.

By the Numbers

  • Meals cooked: 78
  • Fish purchased: 23
  • Opera songs played: 5
  • Characters randomly killed off: 1
  • Characters set on fire: 1
  • Bolognese eaten, in m³/s: 0.204
  • sigh MEN.”: 1
  • People who love Monopoly: Somehow, 1
  • My desire to jack in the whole software thing and train as a chef, increase, in percentage points: 3

Overall: π / 5

The π may be steak and ale.

Control experiment: Spending an hour and a half watching UKTV Food would probably have rated a solid 4.