BERTIE WOOSTER and DR HOUSE make sweet sweet man-love and somehow produce ROBERT DOWNEY JR. The latter then has a smouldering romance with JUDE LAW. The PORN just writes itself.

Also, MYSTERIES and soforth. The greatest of which being why THE ROCKY ROAD TO DUBLIN plays during the CREDITS.

Somehow, GUY RITCHIE makes a GOOD MOVIE.

By the Numbers

  • Ginger midgets: 1
  • Vampire lawyers: 1
  • Evil Home Secretaries (aren’t they all?): 1
  • Cattle-prod beatdownz: 2
  • Hat changes: 12
  • Fight scenes: 15
  • Violin scenes: 18
  • Male characters lacking moustaches: 0
  • Slash factor: Over 9000

Overall: 4 / 5