A glorious evening of FRbtNage at the hands of Ian, Dan and Devo.

Synopsis

An infeasibly capable ACTION HERO and a feasibly Italian FETISH PROSTITUTE rescue a BABY from an EVIL GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY.

ALL THE BULLETS IN THE WORLD are then fired over the couse of NINETY MINUTES.

Roll credits.

By the Numbers

• Carrots munched: 7
• Carrot impalements: 2
• Mid-fight births: 1
• Mid-fight births not involving Conan: 1
• Mid-fight breastfeeding sessions: 1
• FUK U: 2
• Hand dryer disarmaments: 1
• Nuns: 0
• Penalties to attack rolls incurred with a newborn baby in the off-hand: 0 (This trend is getting ridiculous now.)
• Penalties to attack rolls incurred with a woman you are currently having sex with in the off-hand: apparently also 0
• People getting literally shit-faced: 2
• Tits: 5
• Tits presented in a context other than breastfeeding: somehow, only two
• Rube Goldberg rat-based door locks: 1
• Rube Goldberg submachine gun-based deaths: 16
• Dead bodies rained: 9.45
• Badassery: over 9000⁹⁰⁰⁰
• Bullets expended: ALL THE BULLETS
• Bullets fired WITHOUT EVEN NEEDING A GUN: 4
• Puns quipped: ALL THE PUNS
• Kinds of wrong: ALL THE KINDS

Overall: 4 / 5