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Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

A joint Film Review by the Numbers by Dan and Ian

Synopsis

A WIZARD tries to show a SNOB a thing or two about having FUN. Because he’s OLD and WISE and SHIT. Naturally, there then commences an EPIC QUEST and ALL THAT JAZZ.

Somehow, SNOW WHITE appears to have been left out of THIS MOVIE.

By the Numbers

  • Teapots played: 1
  • Teletubbies: 0?
  • Good mornings dissected: 1
  • Heavily choreographed crockery desecrations: 1
  • McGuffins: 2
  • Flashbacks: 1
  • Non-rhyming dwarves: 1
  • Man hugs: 2
  • Radagast, in Mushrooms: 124
  • Bunny sleds: BUNNY SLEDS
  • Moons of co-incidence: 2d100
  • Cancer-Riddled Obese Goblins voiced by the frog from Flushed Away: 1
  • Tiny messenger goblins with clipboards: present
  • Great Cleave Combo: 201
  • Wizard farts: 1
  • Unnecessary Gollum Plurals: Over 9000ses
  • Rings to rule them all: 0.97
  • Voldemorts: 0.928
  • Mountains moved: 3

Smashing!!

  • Games of Sleeping Lions: 1
  • Bilbo Badassery: 7461
  • Thorin Badassery: 10,008
  • Giant Eagles Of Tidying Up: 13

Overall: 4 / 5

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