Categories
Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

The Future

Another guest FRbtN by @danfoxdavies.

Synopsis

In the BEGINNING, there was ONE WORD. And that word was CAT.
Then there was LIGHT, and a CONCEPTUAL ARTIST proceeded to take a SELECTION OF MINDS and summarily fuck with them.
And FUTURE CAT had no meaning.
The ABILITY TO STOP TIME had no meaning.
TIME has no meaning.
And ZERO divided by ITSELF.
Even THE NARRATOR gives up before the end.

By The Numbers

  • Los Angeles, in normal day-to-day suburbs: 1
  • Affairs coped with: 0
  • Paedophiles hinted at: 1
  • Paedofinder Generals: 0
  • Creepy-voiced future-cat narrators: 1
  • Days until Mid-Life Crisis ends all things: 30
  • Live burials: 0.85
  • Trees sold: 3, to the salesperson’s two-faced dreamy-floaty-partner.
  • Unsafe electrical items: at least 4 mentioned and 1 bought.
  • Relevance of any of the plot to the rest of it: 0
  • Loose ends: there are no ends tied up.
  • Plots: 0.00000000000000001
  • ‘When are they actually just going to say and do something that actually means anything’ factor: Over 9000
  • Product placements for Apple: 3
  • Superpowers: 1
  • Of which used for anything of any consequence: 0
  • Mighty Boosh moons: 0.5 (voice but no face).

Overall: 0.2/5

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