Shoot ‘em Up

A glorious evening of FRbtNage at the hands of Ian, Dan and Devo.

Synopsis

An infeasibly capable ACTION HERO and a feasibly Italian FETISH PROSTITUTE rescue a BABY from an EVIL GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY.

ALL THE BULLETS IN THE WORLD are then fired over the couse of NINETY MINUTES.

Roll credits.

Carrots munched: 7
Carrot impalements: 2
Mid-fight births: 1
Mid-fight births not involving Conan: 1
Mid-fight breastfeeding sessions: 1
FUK U: 2
Hand dryer disarmaments: 1
Nuns: 0
Penalties to attack rolls incurred with a newborn baby in the off-hand: 0 (This trend is getting ridiculous now.)
Penalties to attack rolls incurred with a woman you are currently having sex with in the off-hand: apparently also 0
People getting literally shit-faced: 2
Tits: 5
Tits presented in a context other than breastfeeding: somehow, only two
Rube Goldberg rat-based door locks: 1
Rube Goldberg submachine gun-based deaths: 16
Dead bodies rained: 9.45
Badassery: over 9000⁹⁰⁰⁰
Bullets expended: ALL THE BULLETS
Bullets fired WITHOUT EVEN NEEDING A GUN: 4
Puns quipped: ALL THE PUNS
Kinds of wrong: ALL THE KINDS