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Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

Star Trek (2009)

Synopsis

ROMULUS gets nuked by a SUPERNOVA, VULCAN gets nuked by a BLACK HOLE, and all Earth has to show for it is almost getting nuked by a GIANT-ASS SPACE DRILL. Poor show, Earthlings. Also, an ODD-NUMBERED STAR TREK FILM is ACTUALLY GOOD.

By the Numbers

  • Kobayashi Maru: 1
  • Pretty Spaceships: 7
  • Scenes with Bones in them: 34 (not enough)
  • Scenes with Scottie in them: 15 (not enough)
  • Approximate age of Chekov: 12
  • Members of the Cast that Eric Wants: 3
  • Comedy Red-Shirt Moments: 1
  • Leonard Nimoy: 1
  • Romulans’ Passion for Drilling: Over 9000
  • Regard for Health & Safety Regulations in Romulan Ship Design: 0
  • Chances of Kirk Being put on Just the Right Planet at Just the Right Time to be Saved from the Gribbly Creature by Old Spock: 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000001
  • Cookies baked whilst watching this film: 12

Overall: 4 / 5

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