A guest review by Ian‭ “‬Devo‭” ‬Montgomery

Synopsis

Timelines collide…‭ ‬sort of.‭ ‬Captain Picard and his crew take their brand spanking new Enterprise on a mission back in time to stop their greatest enemies‭ — ‬the Swedes‭ — ‬from ruining Gene Roddenberry’s idyllic future.

By the Numbers

• Opening pull-out,‭ ‬in seconds‭: ‬165
• Creepy head lasers‭: ‬10
• Unnecessary surgeries‭: ‬8
• Nightmares within nightmares‭ (‬omg meta‭!):‭ ‬1
• Number of Starfleet ships engulfed by Borg cube explosion‭: ‬2
• Picard schizophrenic moments‭: ‬5
• Population of Earth‭: ‬9‭ ‬billion…‭ ‬all Borg‭ (‬gasp‭!)
• Heavily inebriated saviours of humanity‭: ‬1
• Gunpoint greetings‭: ‬4
• Data’s keystrokes per second‭: ‬14
• Knocks it takes to break down an inset mechanical door‭: ‬18
• Mercy killings‭: ‬3
• Faster-than-light rocket dildoes‭: ‬1
• Sweaty cyborg-alien temptresses‭:‭ ‬…What now‭!?
• Tommy-gun shoot-outs in space‭: ‬FUCK YES‭!
• Epic space-walks‭: ‬1
• Android on sweaty cyborg-alien make-out sessions‭: ‬MY EYES‭! ‬THEY BURN‭!!!
• Zero-g amputations‭: ‬1
• Little ships broken‭: ‬3
• Ceiling snakes‭: ‬3
• Cyborg zombie skeletons‭ ‬-‭ ‬6

Overall: 5 / 5