Synopsis

BEARDY ADMIRAL and the SKIN-STRETCHY LIZARD PEOPLE (the hottest punk band of 2015!) attempt to relocate SOME PEOPLE so that they can SWOOP IN and STEAL the MAGICAL MACGUFFIN.

Thankfully SOME BALD DUDE in a SPACESHIP is here to SAVE THE DAY!

Despite having SPACESHIPS and EXPLOSIONS and GUNS and REBELLION and ALIENS and ROBOTS it is in fact PRETTY BORING.

By the Numbers

  • Beige Portmeirions: 1
  • Invisible parkour failures: 4
  • Floating android heads: 1
  • Unexpected head-staplings: 3
  • Grinning Riker, in face punchability: OVER 9000
  • Captain Picard, in preachiness: AT LEAST 1829
  • Fish poked: 1
  • Convenient flotation devices: 1
  • Baku: 600
  • Directives followed: 0.25
  • Pubescent Klingons with purple laser rocket launchers: 1
  • Psychotic androids distracted by Gilbert and Sullivan: WHAT
  • Emergency power diverted to the subspace transwarp pseudoscience generator: 100%

Overall: 2 / 5