Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

The Last Airbender


AANG, a CREEPY KID with ULTIMATE COSMIC POWER, attempts to achieve WORLD PEACE by kicking the shit out of an ENTIRE COUNTRY full of EVIL INDIAN DUDES with COOL WARSHIPS. Because, you know, DESTINY and stuff.

Apparently they’re all BENDERS, too, even the clearly straight ones.

By the Numbers

  • Benders: 27
  • Ahvahtahrs: 1
  • Archers (in the entire world): 1
  • Improved Tattoos: 3
  • Arrow-shaped tattoos that still look dumb: 1
  • Characters who are white but should be coloured: 2
  • Characters who are coloured but should be white: 1
  • Convincing lines delivered by Aang: 0
  • Convincing lines delivered by Katara: 0
  • Convincing lines delivered by Sokka: 0
  • Effective military tactics employed: 1
  • Percentage of plot cut out to make movie: 95
  • M. Night Shyamalan: minus 9000
  • Inevitable Sequels: 2

Overall: 3 / 5

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