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Recently, I’ve been feeling awfully… separated, detached from reality. It feels as though when I talk to people I’m not talking to them properly, and when I do things they don’t properly happen. It could be as though the world is just ever so slightly tinged with a kind of unfriendly distance. The only thing recently that’s felt properly real was last night’s singing and dancing and cosplaying which, when I think about it, was pretty much a side-track from reality anyway.
Everything feels so boring and only surface-deep. I wonder why…
That was a weird dream. A weird sequence of dreams, in fact. No less than five tiems did I wake up and go back to sleep, and in each period of sleep the dream continued from where it left off. I pretty much slept through my two lectures this morning just to see where the dream would go.
The premise itself was simple, it’s just the results of it were damn weird. Take a person who had something between the personalities of the Ritsuko cosplayer from last night whose name I think I remember but shan’t utter in case I get it embarassingly wrong, and Asa from the anime and game “Shuffle!”. Insert this person into pretty much every scene in the entirety of the last week of my life, and see what happens.
Strange. Very strange.
EDIT: It turns out that the thoughts I thought I had for the last week about Hatted Andy coming down to Southampton this weekend were entirely imaginary, presumably also an effect of these spectacularly weird dreams…
Today has been… Well, fantastic in a very strange way.
First of all, there was the cosplay. I got bullied (well, it seems appropriate) into cosplaying as Shinji from Evangelion - I figured that since it was an easy character for me to do I’d go for it, provided I didn’t have to play the character’s personality. My problem is, I hate Shinji with passion. He is, in the end, very similar to me. But it’s a me gone wrong, a me lacking in willpower and being needlessly afraid. And while I get accused of lacking willpower regarding a certain issue anyway, I don’t think I’m anywhere near as bad as he is.
Anyways, the strangeness. There is, I figure, some kind of conspiracy going on. Because there was not only also a Misato but a Ritsuko as well. I think it’s only the lack of Rei and Asuka that kept me sane this evening, but still… Being Misato’d and Ritsuko’d at all evening was very weird. But, I won’t deny, it was fun.
I met plenty of new people, all of whom were officially awesome, we gatecrashed the anime society showing whilst in costume, and we ended up in the Hobbit for an especially awesome night of Gary-oke (pretty much three hours of pub sing-along for those who don’t know).
All in all, a fantastically shiny night!
In Tom’s room upstairs, there’s a cross between a cupboard and a door. It’s padlocked. In the bathroom ceiling, there’s a hatch. It’s sealed shut. In the living room ceiling there’s a hatch.
~New Adventure: “Attic Exploration” START!~
Pushing the hatch open with a quarterstaff revealed only blackness and descending dust. Well, I guess I shouldn’t have expected otherwise. I tried attaching a torch to the end of a musket and poking it up there, but we couldn’t really make anything out. Even Mark, standing on a chair, couldn’t get up high enough. We have really tall ceilings here!
Mark declared himself unathletic, so I decided to see if I could pull myself up there. I found a headband and attached the torch to it, stood on the chair… and couldn’t reach high enough to get purchase on anything. It looked like I’d need more height.
Thankfully, what else do notice in the corner of the room but a coffee table? Excellent! Now, precariously balanced on a chair that is itself on the coffee table, I’m just about high enough to poke the torch up and look around.
Unfortunately, nothing interesting. Rafters, bits of foam and metal. I still can’t see floor level up there, though, so maybe there’s something I’m missing. I still can’t get enough purchase to lift myself up there, so it looks like we’ll need… more height! A taller table - like, say, the kitchen table!
I’ve stopped for tonight, but tomorrow or sometime soon the adventure will carry on!
~to be continued…~
I’m glad, so very glad, that times like this exist. Should I ever forget how wonderful my friends are and what a fantastic time I’m capable of having, all I need to do is remember days like today.
I’ve decided now, I think, what life means; what’s worth striving for. Happiness. That’s it, it doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. My happiness, other people’s happiness, it’s one and the same. Today, everyone was happy. And tomorrow will be the same inasmuch as I have a hand in it.
223 days remain.
Lesson One. Do not go to bed with the beginnings of a headache.
For at least two hours I drifted between sleeping and waking, while all the time the headache got worse. Every tiny fragment of sleep contained a dream in which the headache was explained by ever more disturbing things, until at nearly 5am my head was too painful and I was to creeped out to try to sleep anymore.
At times like that, paracetamol is my friend. In the end, I finally made it to sleep, and now I’ve woken up refreshed and normal. But I don’t remember the dreams anymore…
I’ve just arrived home after running the third session of my Dreaming Awake tabletop game. And holy haddock, it just got really awesome. The players are finally beginning on the road to realising how the world works and what their place is in it - starting to accept that they can and do change the world.
At the same time, I’m discovering things too. I’m discovering just how much I love the setting; I’m getting my first real rewards back from the world I’ve nurtured for the past seven years.
It doesn’t stop here, though. The world, the characters and I will keep on changing and being changed by each other for a long time to come.
Last night, after one of the most fun parties I’ve ever been to, I was asleep almost as soon as my head touched the pillow. I slept, and dreamed… Dreamed of the party. Slighty different, of course - we talked about different things, but it was still most certainly that party. It left me, upon waking, with the exact same feeling I’d had after the party itself - a wonderful sense of rightness, and comfort, and stability.
I awoke to the doorbell and the arrival of a man in sports-branded hoodie and trainers, who allegedly had arrived to fix the tumble dryer. Five minutes later he pronounced it “bi’ fooked” and said he’d get us another one. Which is fair enough, although I don’t relish the thought of the time he’s going to call me to announce that he has a replacement and I have to try to understand his vocabulary again.
And, I need more fire-staff practice.
Also, coffee grinder get. Thanks eBay! ^_^ So Mark and I got to wake up to awesome coffee this morning too!
Life is officially going really, really well!
Fed up with PlusNet’s dire service and stealth data caps, we today switched to another ADSL provider… Freedom2Surf.
I suspect no-one reading this knows, remembers or cares, but I’ve had issues with them in the past - for a while they hosted my website, and I quickly took my business elsewhere when their server died and they had neither a backup nor an apology for me.
So, it was with some grumbling that I accepted this switch of ISP.
Imagine my joy - no, imagine my facial expression - when, after the great switch-over… We’re still getting sub-56k-modem speeds. It peaked at 40kbps.
We ran the BT line test that we just found out about, too. 40kbps.
Looks like BT are right royally shafting us for reasons unknown. Their speed test website didn’t have any option to ask them to please stop right royally shafting us.
I am calm, I am happy. I am being myself and having fun. I am not worrying about things.
After the last few years, this is something like a new experience for me.
All it took, I guess, was a change in what I consider the point of living. I still care for my friends as much as I always did, but gone now is the dangerous desire to make other people’s happiness the goal of my life.
Now, I’m free just to be myself as much as possible. That feeling makes even moments of nothingness, even boredom, enjoyable.
Today on the interweb:
.hack MMORPG, finally. http://www.hack.channel.or.jp/fragment/
Risk using Google Maps API. http://www.ashotoforangejuice.com/gmrisk.html (beware Slashdot effect)