Synopsis

GOKU, a FAILURE, fails. Then, when his FIRST EVER SUCCESS occurs, GREEN JAMES MARSTERS turns up and kills his GRANDDAD. Naturally, he then embarks on an EPIC QUEST to COLLECT THE MACGUFFINS and SAVE THE WORLD and DEFEAT THE BAD GUY and GET THE GIRL and WEAR A FLUORESCENT ORANGE GI and KAMEHAMEHA and OH GOD I’M JUST GOING TO DRINK UNTIL I FORGET I’M WATCHING THIS.

By the Numbers

• Macguffins sought by good guys: 7 (wait, is this the same as yesterday’s film?)
• Air-bending techniques: 2 (wait, is this the same as the film before that?)

…You know what? Screw it.

• Gohan chicken feet level: over 9000
• Goku angst level: over 9000
• Mai boob level: over 9000
• Piccolo melanin level: over 9000
• Bulma tech level: over 9000
• Master Roshi fashion level: over 9000
• Yamcha douchebag level: over 9000
• Chi-chi twincest battle level: over 9000
• KAMEHAMEHA: over 9000
• Stilton level: over 9000
• Blood-alcohol content: over 9000

Overall: OVER 9000 / OVER 9000

This is the zenith of all Film Review by the Numbers. This is the moment. I need more mead.