BEN STILLER, an ACTOR playing an ACTOR playing a SOLDIER, is accidentally left in a REAL CONFLICT and unfortunately SURVIVES FOR THE NEXT 90 MINUTES.

By the Numbers

  • Alpaca Chinos: 4
  • Penalty to combat rolls with a newborn baby in the off-hand: Literally cannot even
  • Spiderman/Iron Man monk homoeroticism: Sorry, still can’t even
  • Intestines played with: 2
  • Games of grenade volleyball: 1
  • Steve Coogans punched in the face: 1
  • Disembodied Steve Coogan heads drop-kicked into the jungle: 1
  • Full retards: 5
  • Ben Stillers worshipped for being Full Retards: 1
  • Ben Stillers caned by Vietnamese twelve-year-olds: YEP, I WILL SLEEP HAPPILY TONIGHT
  • Rooster illusions: 1
  • Small children hurled from bridges: 1
  • “GET TO DA CHOPPA”: Grimly inevitable
  • Rocket-propelled grenades deflected by airborne TiVo: NOPE, I AM DONE.
  • Units of alcohol required for me to watch a film with Ben Stiller and Danny McBride in it: Apparently 6

Overall: -2 / 5