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Why… Why won’t anything good happen today…? … Here goes, today in a nutshell.
Wake up, shower, breakfast, go to 11am lecture, same as every Monday.
Meet James in the Garden Court. He’s been to the Estate Agents’ this morning, got some draft tenancy agreements and a form for me to sign, and has payed both our £110 agency fees.
Form completed, I head off to the Estate Agents. On the way I’m on the phone to my mum, and I ask if I can have the £110 soon to pay James back. She agrees, and reminds me to ask the Agents how much rent we have to pay over the summer months, and if there’s a problem with my parents setting up a Direct Debit for the account rather than me. And, like a trickle before the dam bursts, I’m told that James can’t stay round at the DDRFUK Bournemouth meet in April.
Just come out of the Estate Agents’. We have to pay full rent all summer, even though we won’t be living there for three months, which overall adds up to about £800 each in wasted money. Apparently, it’s non-negotiable. Slightly annoyed by this, but it seems that’s commonplace here, so what the hell, I just go with it.
Back at home again, I report the news first to James, who’s okay with it, then my mum, who isn’t so convinced. To be fair it’s a lot of their money that’s being wasted here, but I think every rented place in town rips students off to the same extent. She’s also concerned by the fact that we’re jointly liable for the rent, so if one of us pulls out the other will be left to pay the full rent for at least two months, unless they can find another tenant quickly. By this time, the facts that I should really be going to do my laundry and should start doing some work soon are preying heavily on my mind. I wait for my mum to confer with dad and phone me back before I think about going to do the laundry.
Spoken to James over MSN about what my parents said, and he and his parents seem fine about it. I’m also reminded that our £110 (each) agency fee is only refundable provided we pull out before 5pm tomorrow (Tuesday). We both have full days on Tuesday, so it has to be decided by lunchtime at the latest. He leaves for a Union Council meeting.
Back on the phone again. My parents seem
deeply unhappy about the issue of looking after the property in the summer months, for example picking up bills and doing the gardening. I’m not sure if gardening is included in our responsibilities, because we haven’t been given a real tenancy agreement to sign yet, only a specimen. We get into a long discussion about the problems here, and my parents suggest that it might be a better idea to look for a place to rent in September to avoid the summer problem (possible for me because my parents live within commuting distance, so if I fail to find a place it’s not the end of the world). Unfortunately that kinda’ screws up James, since he’s got no-one else to rent with. By now, I’ve given up all idea of doing my laundry today. I’m also beginning to realise that however the decision goes in the end, I won’t be happy.
By now I’m really hungry, but I have a ton of washing up to get through before I can start cooking. I’m really starting to feel depressed now.
I finally get to eat dinner. It’s quite nice, but doesn’t cheer me up.
I get to my room, and find my parents phoned and left a message. I call back. Commuting from home on a permanent basis or trying to get accommodation in halls next year are discussed, I’m not keen on either. The problems of renting over the summer are d
iscussed again, but the conversation really can’t go much further without James being involved, and MSN still shows him as away.
I call James, and he is at home. I discuss what my parents have said with him. He suggests that the landlord must have something in place to deal with the fact that students aren’t there in the summer to sort out bills. Also, renting starting in September doesn’t reduce the term of the contract, it just means you have to pay over the next summer instead.
On the phone to my parents again, and it’s starting to sound like they don’t want me to rent at all, but want me to commute or go back into halls. I’m frequently reminded of how much more expensive living in a house or flat is, but personally I think I’m okay with spending more so that I can enjoy my time at Uni… My parents need to go away and discuss things, mum says she’ll phone me back later.
And with a clanging sound that shook the horizons, the doors closed, and were barred. My mum calls… I found out that she’s under threat of redundancy and so my parents can’t actually guarantee they can support me if I live away from home next year. I also discover that my last possibility, my as-yet unclaimed student loan, won’t provide nearly enough for me to be able to afford to rent next year.
I speak to James on the phone, and tell him the news, apologising as much as I can. We’re going to the Estate Agents’ at lunchtime tomorrow to get his £220 back.
And so, it’s over. No more flat, just the guilt of leaving James out on his own, and the guilt that I already cost my parents too much money… And the sadness inside, of feeling the strands of my life changing their course into the future…
All hope of doing laundry or problem sheets tonight is gone, I really don’t feel like doing anything now. I still have three problem sheets to do in the… about four hours… of time I have left before Thursday morning’s tutorial. I’m burnt out, and, even though I know it’s no sensible way to get over stress and depression, but… I think I’m going to go and buy some cans of Strongbow and a big block of chocolate…
Broken shards of mirror.
~ Everything that has a beginning, has an end. ~
So… another weekend wasted. I should have done more work, I shouldn’t have spent the whole of this afternoon in the pub, and I certainly shouldn’t have spent as much money as I have done. Somehow, before Thursday morning, I have to do 11 hours of lectures, go shopping, do my laundry, visit the estate agents’, play Exalted, play Mage, and do three problem sheets, two of which actually require re-learning the material since I wasn’t awake enough in lectures to actually pay attention. This week is gonna suck.
So, did you all have a nice Valentine’s day? And, really, does it matter?
This morning James and I went to see a house, which was pretty good inside and the location is really good. We waited around for ten minutes in the rain before deciding to give up watiing for the agent and go and look in ourselves, though…
Then, on with the reasons why I’m now more sure than ever I’m a geek. I spent half of my Valentine’s day up to my elbows in computer hardware, and the other half repartitioning hard disks. Nice and romantic, then! ^_^;; Unfortunately, the new hard disk I bought to get over the problems that the Windows installer caused for me cost £50, so I’m even more broke than I was before… I’m justifying it as it was a purchase I’d have made during the summer anyway, I’ve just brought it forward to sort out my current troubles. I’ll just have to watch my money extra tightly when I’m earning in the summer… I do feel kinda’ bad about spending that much, but at least I have a computer I can use properly now…
I was going to be going out with Vicky and Jo this evening (not in a Valentines-day way, just going to Academy and getting drunk ^_^) but I can’t really be bothered, and Vicky’s feeling ill, so we’re not… Gives me time to finish off my Valentine’s day by… carrying on with sorting out my PC! Superfun.
Tomorrow, I shall probably sleep. I feel a strange desire to go and play DDR, although I know not why, especially since I’d be on my own and would be spending yet more money I don’t have… So yeah, I’ll probably just sleep until mid-afternoon, and fill the evening with food and IRC like all my lazy days… Oh, also, I have to phone my parents, since I forgot today, and let them know about the house and about people staying round at the DDRFUK Bournemouth meet. Gah, too much stuff to remember ^_^
Thus ends today’s list of stuff you’ve just read but didn’t really want to know about anyway. Apologies.
Today, I managed to go shopping, play Mage, and learn about General Relativity! Bonus! Now I just need some serious sleep (or as it looks like being, about 5 hours…) before tomorrow’s fateful presentation of death… Wish me luck! ^_^
Ugh… I just dreamt that I was dying of cancer and had one day to live, and of the things I did in that day… And then, I didn’t die that night, so I had another “final” day… And from that dream, I’m now sure of two things… that I want Dreaming Awake (finished or not) to carry on forever, and that my parents and I love each other more than anything else in the world…
just woke up, and is still crying
Waah, I have t3h messed up dreams…
I’ve officially done nothing this weekend. And I wanted to get an early night… which just hasn’t happened. Tomorrow I get to go shopping, and watch Grave of the Fireflies, a double bill of depression! At least I’ll enjoy the latter somewhat more than the former…
So… I woke up at 9:30 this morning, thought “I’ve only had eight hours’ sleep, I can get away with one more”, intending to get up about 10:30 and go shopping, which I badly needed to do today.
I woke up next at 2:30pm. I win the prize. Another day completely wasted.
Sorry I haven’t been updating much recently… been busy.
First off, my apologies to #ddrfuk and #anime-england for not having been doing the IRC stats… I’m switching between two operating systems at the moment, and there’s no sensible way of logging IRC channels in both OSes, and updating the stats from one of the OSes is something I’m not sure how to do yet…
So yeah, much computerfun over the last few days. I’m missing out on the DDRFUK meet in London today because I have no money… just like I’m missing out on a lot else by having no money. I have to buy a book for my Physics of the Solar System course, costing £30… that’s a week’s living expenses. Woo yay. And with Minamicon coming up - oh look. Biggest collection of anime on sale in the country, and I can’t afford any of it. The cheque from QinetiQ still hasn’t come, but now even when it does, it won’t put me back in credit. I’ve now gone over £600 in debt.
Next week, I’ve got to do a presentation on General Relativity, a subject I know nothing about at the moment. Should be fun… I can’t blag it either, because the audience includes my relativity lecturer.
Today, I cleaned my room. Tomorrow, I go shopping. Then it’s back to uni again for another week. I lead t3h fun life…
And, I went to the Hobbit just now. Good place, and shockingly they had a band on who were pretty good! I’ve gotta remember to go back there more often. Expensive drinks though, £2.30 for a pint of Strongbow, so… more money gone that I shouldn’t have spent ^_^;;
Um, yeah… that’s about it for now.
I dreamt that I was asleep… and then I woke up, but I was still in a dream… It was the oddest experience…
(Also, woo yay… four and a half hours’ sleep tonight, and I’ll be up until at least midnight tonight playing Exalted…)
It… kinda’ hit me today. I think I’m lonely here. Sure, we have fun sometimes, my flatmates and I, but maybe the most fun I have in the evenings is sitting in front of this terminal, chatting on IRC, drinking a beer and eating chocolate… I dunno, does that make me a geek, or a loner, or what? But whatever it does, I’m not sure it matters to me…
Hmm… I wonder if helping people out with their problems recently has started to rub off and make me a bit less happy than usual. Certainly I’ve been really quiet lately, and not really said much, and seemed kinda’ indifferent to LAC and the Stepmania machine today, which normally would have been awesome… The solution might be an injection of Pita Ten stratight into the bloodstream, I’m working on it ^_^ (Or I got volume 1 of the manga today anyway…)
Yeah, the Stepmania machine is pretty fun… huge coin queue all the time we were there, but I got to play some of Ant and Adam’s originals on a real machine, so t3h pwn. Hopefully not long before my original “We Will Always Be” makes it on there!
And, super fun time, I’ve got two hours of lectures tomorrow on my new module “Physics of the Solar System”. Unfortunately, I suspect it’ll be very boring… but at least it doesn’t have Friday afternoon labs, so win for me later on in the week!