Blog Archive — Page 92

This is part of my blog, which I have long since stopped maintaining. The page has been preserved in case its content is of any interest. Please go back to the homepage to see the current contents of this site.

  • The Nature of God

    The word “God” means “That of which nothing greater can be concieved”. So, the greatest thing there is, is existence itself. The universe, multiverse, or whatever proves to be the whole of existence.

    I’ve never really liked God being represented as a big bloke with a beard or anything like that… I guess I feel that any attempt to describe or depict God detracts from what God is, so there’s no real reason for doing it, apart for making Godhead easier for us to understand. But if by attempting to describe it we detract from what it is, just so we can understand it better, then we aren’t understanding the real thing anyway.

  • In Memoriam

    “I make my back, to the hometown that looks just the same.
    The schools and the factories, standing alone still remain.
    But the faces have changed, and the ones that I knew are gone.
    And I hear the laughter and voices still echo my name…“

    — Celtus, “Rosa-Ree”

    The places I used to live, the places where I shaped my future. The midday sun, shining on the world, illuminating the happiness of past and present… My old home, the park where I played, the river where we walked, the path between the trees, the fields where I lay, the water where I paddled, the roads where I rode my bike, the world that that I loved.

    Memories all come back now, visiting the same places and thinking the same things… It’s all here, and as long as I live I’ll never lose it…

    The memory… Eighteen years of love and loss, happiness and sadness, memory of the past and hope for tomorrow… Life flowed on, day after day, never skipping a beat in the wonderful play of life.

    And now, back on the train… reddened evening light shining on my face through the windows… going back to the new reality, my new home…

    An era has ended and a new one has begun. All I can keep is the memories of my past. I’ve got them, and I’m never letting them go now…

    I left for my old home this weekend a child, thinking nothing ever changed. I return a man, knowing that, in the end, I changed. We all changed, and the world changed. Memories of the past, forever…

    Thus is the Completion of the Moment of Truth.

  • Burning Dreams, Fallen Worlds

    Our minds are nothing. Formless, timeless, existing within ourselves as a paradox, something more than the sum of its parts. They are “us”, but without the physical components of ourselves, they cannot function. All is silent, untouchable, odourless, tasteless… dark…


    But within our minds exists something very special. We create the story of ourselves. In order to create that story, our minds create images of ourself. Inside of our consciousness, there is a mirror of ourselves, and a mirror of our situation. It is this mirror, our “World View”, that we act on. The reason we function is that our World View is remarkably like everyone elses’. The truth is that there is no one picture of the world - all that exists is the sum total of everyones’ views. There is no “real” world that we can point to and say “this is it”. All that exists is what we believe exists.


    When we dream, we lose almost all conscious control of our world view. Our subconscious pumps images into it - they become our dreams, the temporary reality that can exist while we sleep. What would happen if we all slept? Well, the world exists as the sum of all our views. “Reality” would become the knitted-together patchwork of our dreams. The mirror images of ourselves, generated by our minds, would experience an entirely different reality to the one we generate whilst we are awake. Another world, a dream world. Reality is still a consensus vote of all our views, it’s just that our views are not as “normal” as they once were. What would we create in our minds?


    Perhaps we would be mighty warriros or wizards, perhaps we would be astronauts or aliens. Perhaps our world would be beautiful, perhaps it would be dark and uninviting. Maybe we would be happy, maybe we would be tormented by the nightmare that we experience. Maybe our friends would always be there to help us, perhaps we would be in love. Perhaps we would be alone, tormented by dark memories of our subconscious. And then, there is God. Just as such an entity exists in our conscious world view, there is the same in our subconscious view. Because God is the ultimate, the thing that we cannot percieve, we have no choice but to experience God (or not to experience God) in the same way in whatever world view we adopt. God becomes the only thing common and unchanging in all realities.


    As we sleep and do not wake, absorbed into the new perception or reality, our bodies degrade and eventually we die. Our bodies provide no sensory input to the brain, and so the mind experiences a rude awakening, if that is the right word. Suddenly there is nothing to satisfy the existence of the conscious, and in shock it takes control of the mind, in the same way as a loud noise will wake you from sleep. Suddenly, the subconsciously generated world view is gone, and the conscious view is reasserted. But the conscious view is nothingness. There is no input. All there is is nothingness, coldness, numbness, blackness. But still persisting here, is God. Because there is nothing else, God grows and fills our mind. There is “me”, and there is “God”. All of our attention is drawn to this concept of God, and it becomes powerful. The only escape, the only way to restore the world view we had before, is to remove this all-intrusive “God”. You must assert the force of Ego over the concept of Deus. You must restore your view, your world, your reality, by changing your world view so that the image of yourself becomes more than your image of God…

    “The end of this world is coming
    Dreams and hopes do not matter.
    Inside your heart, you are sleeping
    but you will not wake up
    Feel the hand of a future that cannot be changed
    Burning for your life
    This life will burn out someday, even if you try to cling to it
    (for the perfect dream)
    Drowning in my dream
    Even if it’s remembered, a dream is only a dream
    You are star light.”

    — Lyrics from eX Dream, opening theme of the anime “X”.

  • Nothing Changes

    The Moment of Truth has Begun.

    “It’s just another day,
    and in an ordinary way,
    nothing changes.”

    — Celtus, “Changes”

    Springtime, midday sun, and a train journey wrapped in thought. Wherever we go, however much time passes for us, we’ll always be here, we’ll always go to the same places, do the same things, love and hate, laugh and cry, in the same ways… Forever and ever, echoing on always through time, long past the time when we leave this world for another… The grassy fields, the quiet waters, the beautiful golden sunlight… forever and ever, this life and this love will never cease. Dancing for eternity, spinning the story of the world…

  • Strange Life

    Why is it, that I seem to be living my life uncaring, as if small things are unimportant? Things like tidying and cooking don’t seem to matter any more, as if a change will come soon that will make them worthless?

    What’s happening…?

    Am I changing? Is the world changing?

    …9 days, 15 hours, 55 minutes until Dragon’s Claw finale (noon, May 5th, 2003)…

    …am I living a story? Or is that story just what we call “life”?

    …life is a dream…

    …but it’s a good dream.

  • Summer's Dawn

    I think I’ve found the good thing about living in Weymouth… I woke up and went to work this morning, it was a bit cloudy, and I hardly saw anyone. When I went home at 3:30, the sun was out, and the road I live on (which happens to be the quayside) had sprouted about a hundred people and a street cafe.

    It looks like summer’s finally here……. Heheh! I can’t wait!

  • Childhood

    As I stand here at dawn, I am reminded that a wonderful life has only just started, and every new day is filled with hope…

    As I walk here in the day, each step reminds me of the happiest things I have done…

    And as I stand here at dusk, with the wind blowing through my hair and rain on my face, I think how all those happy things… were when I was a child… And now all I’m doing is standing on top of a windy hill and dreaming. Does that mean… I’m not a child… any more?

  • Happiness

    Feel the ground under your feet, and the water below. Feel the wind in your hair, and the sunlight on your face. Then stretch your wings and fly… and be happy forever…

  • Song to the Stars

    Am I… alone? Am I outcast? Am I outside, looking in; or inside, staring out at the world? Am I the last one here; or the first one to leave?

    This world is empty… All I have is the darkness, and a single melody playing into the night. Is this the end… or only the beginning? Will this… last… forever?

  • Human Hearts

    Written as a chapter quote for Dragon’s Claw:

    “Why are worlds born
    Why do they die
    Kingdoms and empires rise and fall
    And yet the human heart
    Stays forever?”